Blog Post New Entry
A completely unique and different review of Marvel's The Avengers(By Les)
|
|
Greetings Manic Fans. Les here today to talk about
The Avengers
......wait! wait!...I know everyone else here has posted a review, so I’m not going to do the tired old “IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME COMIC BOOK HERO FILM OF ALL TIME(which it was, but I digress.....)....
No, I’ve another idea, my friends. I’m not going to review the film at all! Instead, I’m going to give an account of why all the other Marvel Heroes who reside in New York were absent from the cataclysmic events that occurred at the end of the film in which The Avengers had to take care of business alone.
There’s a lot of heroes to cover, so Here...We....GO!
Spiderman
Probably the most obvious omission from the chaos, since he works at what was, essentially, ground zero for this event and would’ve noticed the attack of the Chituari.
Actually, he WAS there. He was just getting back home to MJ, having sold more photos to the Bugle when the first strike hit and buried their apartment in rubble. As his part in the script was written by Joe Quesada, he made a deal with Mestipho to save her life at the cost of not helping the Avenger’s fight the invasion....after all....it’s not like he’d undo it by making another deal with Mestipho to save Aunt May at the cost of forgetting he was married, right?....oh, wait...ooh!...um....awkward.....
Daredevil
Our favorite blind defense attorney/vigilante superhero working in Hell’s Kitchen was taking a nap in his isolation tank and never knew anything was amiss...Boy was HE surprised when he woke up LOL!
Elektra
Was in Hollywood killing Jennifer Garner’s agent
The Fantastic 4
Reed Richards and the gang were in Hollywood shooting some promotional videos for the team at the insistence of
Johnny Storm
(Who in no way resembles Captain Steve Rogers.......)
Even with the Fantasticar, they still didn’t arrive in time to help in the fight.
X-Men/Brotherhood of Mutants
Individually:
Cyclops
was still dead thanks to Brett Ratner......
Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix
was still dead thanks to Brett Ratner.....
Charles Xavier
was in Cerebro attempting to locate new mutants to recruit and was mentally in Interlaken, Belize and Johannisberg and was unaware of the threat going on....oh, no, wait...my mistake....he was still dead thanks to Brett Ratner(OK, technically he’d transferred his soul into the mindless patient being cared for my Moira McTaggart, but...still....DAMN YOU BRETT RATNER.....DAAAAAAMN YOUUUUU!!!!!!!(Charlton Heston voice)
Rogue
was just another civilian having taken the cure, and might as well have been dead thanks to Brett Ratner(see a pattern here, my friends?)
Wolverine
Storm
Kitty Pryde
Colossus
and Iceman
were in an extended danger room session that, ironically was putting them through an alien invasion of New York City....ironic, no?
Beast
was in Africa negotiating a treaty at the behest of the United Nations and missed out on all the fun.
Nightcrawler
Actually, I have no idea where he is, since he hasn't been seen since X-2: United......(insert your own Brett Ratner curse here....)
Magneto
was in San Francisco playing chess with old men and slowly attempting to regain his powers back THANKS TO MOTHER F#$*ING BRETT RATNER!!!!!!
Mystique
was in Washington DC stuck without her powers
....yada yada yada...Brett Ratner.....
OK...OK....I’ll say it....X-Men 3: The Last Stand destroyed damn near everything that made X-Men great.....and unfortunately, I can’t use the characters from First Class, because they’re back in 1962....DAMN!.....
Luke Cage
Yeah, I don’t know anything about this character...sorry, I’ll defer to ComicBookCast, TheDVDGrouch and Writrzblok if they have any theories for this hero.
AntMan
Yeah, I don’t know anything about this one, either...and Marvel Studios hasn’t made his film yet, so, once again, I defer to the comic book masters mentioned above for his exclusion in the fight.
Silver Surfer
Was off planet surfing the cosmos with
Santa Christ
....they had pancakes for breakfast.
And that’s my account for the Marvel Heroes not involved in the Chitauri Battle with the Avengers in New York City.
I hope this article was informative and entertaining. Do you have any theories about this, or any heroes I missed? I’d love to hear your ideas, my friends. Peace.
P.S. Santa Christ is the intellectual property of Rob and Doug Walker of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com, and I’ve borrowed it, hopefully, with the utmost respect for them and gratitude for creating such an awesome character.
Categories: Blogs and collaborations by Les
Post a Comment
Oops!
The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.
24 Comments
Hi Jason on the House. Thanks a lot, but voodoo is too good for him LOL! 
It was informative, entertaining, and definitely a unique and different review of The Avengers. 
You should also have a Voodoo doll of Brett Ratner, just in case you are so frustrated that you can't hit the target straight.
You should also have a Voodoo doll of Brett Ratner, just in case you are so frustrated that you can't hit the target straight.
Hi BigBlackHatMan. Right! Ghostrider.!....shoot....he could've ended it with a penance stare.
"LOKI!...Your soul is tainted with the blood of the innocence.....look into my eyes and feel their pain!"
Yeah, I like your explanation on that one, my friend. Thanks for commenting. Peace.
"LOKI!...Your soul is tainted with the blood of the innocence.....look into my eyes and feel their pain!"
Yeah, I like your explanation on that one, my friend. Thanks for commenting. Peace.
Brett Ranter does deserve to burn. Also, Ghost Rider was desperately trying to escape Nic Cage. Good work
alexthed says...
It was Cleveland - as was the New York scene at the end. I don't think I would have been able to make it to Germany for real...
I was wondering about that. Thanks for satisfying my curiosity, my friend. Peace.
Les says...
LOL, no you really can't, can you? Was that actually filmed on location, or was it a lot set?
It was Cleveland - as was the New York scene at the end. I don't think I would have been able to make it to Germany for real...
alexthed says...
That is correct. I've been skirting around what scene I was in because I was afraid it would be a spoiler. Now that I know it's not, no harm. Also, you can't really tell a projectionist to go backward in the middle of a movie.
LOL, no you really can't, can you? Was that actually filmed on location, or was it a lot set?
Les says...
Hi alexthed. Yeah....I tried spotting you too, but couldn't zero you(The crowd kneeling before Loki in Germany, right?) Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my article. Thanks for commenting, my friend. Peace.
That is correct. I've been skirting around what scene I was in because I was afraid it would be a spoiler. Now that I know it's not, no harm. Also, you can't really tell a projectionist to go backward in the middle of a movie.
alexthed says...
Really funny article. I got to see the Avengers, and NO I did not find myself. I know that sounds extremely spiritual, but it's true. (Then again, I can't be on the poster for every movie I appear in.)
Hi alexthed. Yeah....I tried spotting you too, but couldn't zero you(The crowd kneeling before Loki in Germany, right?) Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my article. Thanks for commenting, my friend. Peace.
Really funny article. I got to see the Avengers, and NO I did not find myself. I know that sounds extremely spiritual, but it's true. (Then again, I can't be on the poster for every movie I appear in.)
James Bevan says...
I could see Wade doing that. He does love to kill when the money's good. That, or he broke the fourth wall and traveled into "Cabin in the Woods" to torment the teens. As for the other two I mentioned, I think I got it...
Moondragon: at a salon getting her scalp polished. (she is rather vain, after all)
Rocket Raccoon: In a heavy legal discussion with Capcom trying to get a bigger percentage for his appearance in MvC3.
LMAO! I love these reasons. Thanks a lot, my friend.
Les says...
Hi Jim. AHHH! Deadpool! I can't believe I forgot about him!.....OK, um...He was hired to assassinate a guy in Florida...yeah, that's it....er...And yeah, you might say I'm a little hostile towards Brett Ratner LOL! Nah, a head shot on a dartboard won't do...I hate something? I blog it to death MWA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAA! Thanks for commenting, my friend. Peace.
I could see Wade doing that. He does love to kill when the money's good. That, or he broke the fourth wall and traveled into "Cabin in the Woods" to torment the teens. As for the other two I mentioned, I think I got it...
Moondragon: at a salon getting her scalp polished. (she is rather vain, after all)
Rocket Raccoon: In a heavy legal discussion with Capcom trying to get a bigger percentage for his appearance in MvC3.
James Bevan says...
Wonderful analysis, Les. I hope that when the DVD is released, they'll include the cut scenes explaining why Moondragon, Deadpool and Rocket Raccoon weren't in the fight.
Also, I'm sensing a little hostility towards Brett Ratner. Might I suggest putting his headshot on a dartboard as a means of relieving that anger.
Hi Jim. AHHH! Deadpool! I can't believe I forgot about him!.....OK, um...He was hired to assassinate a guy in Florida...yeah, that's it....er...And yeah, you might say I'm a little hostile towards Brett Ratner LOL! Nah, a head shot on a dartboard won't do...I hate something? I blog it to death MWA! HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAA! Thanks for commenting, my friend. Peace.
Wonderful analysis, Les. I hope that when the DVD is released, they'll include the cut scenes explaining why Moondragon, Deadpool and Rocket Raccoon weren't in the fight.
Also, I'm sensing a little hostility towards Brett Ratner. Might I suggest putting his headshot on a dartboard as a means of relieving that anger.
Also, I'm sensing a little hostility towards Brett Ratner. Might I suggest putting his headshot on a dartboard as a means of relieving that anger.
Atwosheds says...
Thank you Les. I said the same exact thing when I saw the Avengers, not that it wasn't awesome still, but where are they? They live there.
Although, did you notice the ending after the credits? The person shown is Thanos the holder of the infinity gauntlet. Which means that the next movie could have every Marvel character possible. Do you remember the Infinity Gauntlet series? Fingers crossed man.
Great fucking blog bro. I'm gonna show this to my friends for sure. Peace.
Hi Atwosheds. WOW! That would definitely be way off the awesome meter if they could pull that off....man, they'd need about 850 million to finance it, but DAMN! That would be really cool, my friend. Thanks for commenting, my friend. Peace.
Thank you Les. I said the same exact thing when I saw the Avengers, not that it wasn't awesome still, but where are they? They live there.
Although, did you notice the ending after the credits? The person shown is Thanos the holder of the infinity gauntlet. Which means that the next movie could have every Marvel character possible. Do you remember the Infinity Gauntlet series? Fingers crossed man.
Great fucking blog bro. I'm gonna show this to my friends for sure. Peace.
Although, did you notice the ending after the credits? The person shown is Thanos the holder of the infinity gauntlet. Which means that the next movie could have every Marvel character possible. Do you remember the Infinity Gauntlet series? Fingers crossed man.
Great fucking blog bro. I'm gonna show this to my friends for sure. Peace.
Dark Jak says...
hhhhmmmm. A Santa Christ/Avengers crossover. Now i really want to see that happen. get on it marvel.
This was a really fun read. great work on it.
Hi Dark Jak. Thanks a lot, my friend. Yeah, Avengers definitely needs more Santa Christ LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed this. Peace.
hhhhmmmm. A Santa Christ/Avengers crossover. Now i really want to see that happen. get on it marvel.
This was a really fun read. great work on it.
This was a really fun read. great work on it.
Writrzblok says...
Luke Cage was probably too busy taking out miscellaneous Chitauri soldiers when they invaded his home as he made sweet sweet love to his wife, Jessica Jones.
Hi Writrzblok. OH! OK! Thanks for the input, my friend. Now I know
Luke Cage was probably too busy taking out miscellaneous Chitauri soldiers when they invaded his home as he made sweet sweet love to his wife, Jessica Jones.
Categories
Recent Videos
5 views - 0 comments
5 views - 0 comments
8 views - 0 comments
5 views - 0 comments
Recent Forum Posts
by Otamon
73 minutes ago
by richb
111 minutes ago
by Holl E Woods
3 hours ago
by Jockerlee77
6 hours ago
TLHCG's Push Comes To Shove
Subscribe to the Community!
Follow Us
Webs Counter
Oops!
Oops, you forgot something.