Manic Expression

About Backlog: This blog was originally published on January 8th and reflects my thoughts on each film based on the information I had then. Unlike some of the other list I have republished here, I still stand by this one completely. Now I hear that the Three Stooges film isn’t that bad, but I will have to wait until the film comes out on DVD to make any calls. With that being said, I hope you enjoy this list.

Top 9 Least Anticipated Films of 2012

Two weeks ago I made list of my Top 9 Most Anticipated Films of 2012. Now while do feel that 2012 is going to have far more good films then bad, I couldn’t help but notice that there are a few films coming out that just don’t look very appealing to me. So here are my top 9 least anticipated films of 2012. Now, if there is a film that you think looks awful but I didn’t include on the list there is probably one of two reasons for it. The first is that I might just not think it looks very bad. The second and more likely reason is that I may have not seen any footage for it yet. Normally I need to see a trailer for the movie before I start making any calls on how the film is going to turn out. That is with the acceptation of three picks on this list. With that out of the way let’s get started with ……

9. The Bourne Legacy

Now why did I put this movie on the list? After all it’s the 4th film in an action series I love and is directed and written by the same man who wrote the first three movies. So why did I put this one on the list? While I honestly can help but feel that something is missing from this latest entry. Oh that’s right, Jason Bourne. Remember him? He’s only the star of the last three films. Now it’s true that some series can change the main character and still be good movies, but the series has Bourne’s name in the title. These films are clearly supposed to star him and I just don’t see them working with a new character. It would be like if the newest James Bond was released without 007 in it. It just doesn’t work.

8. Battleship

Liam Neeson, you’re a good actor, why do you keep picking bad script. Now while I am not a fan of all the recent big screen versions of my childhood memories, the ones before this at least make sense to me. Yogi wasn’t a good movie, but at least I could see it carrying a full movie. That being said, how the hell do you get a story out of the game Battleship? Now I played the game a lot as a little kid, so unless they changed it in last couple years, I remember that the game has no story. None at all. It’s just trying to blow up the other guy before they kill you. (I just summed up a Michael Bay movie didn’t I?) Also, there are aliens in this one. Yeah remember those from the game? Now on a positive side, for a movie about Battleship, it doesn’t look that awful. I like how the alien’s actual fire pegs that look like the ones used in the game. So yes, it looks bad, but not as bad as it could have been.

7. Total Recall

Dear Hollywood, STOP REMAKING FILMS THAT DON’T NEED IT! Now I am not sure if I have mentioned this yet or not, but I love the film from the 90’s; it is one of my all time favorites. Arnold, who in my mind isn’t a bad actor, he just has a very limited range, is perfect in his role. The film is directed very well and has some extremely will done shots. But this is quickly becoming a “why I like Total Recall” instead of why I am not looking forward to the remake. So back on topic, there are two main reasons I put this one on the list, instead of any of the other remakes coming out next year. The first is that Jessica Biel is casted in one of the lead roles. Yeah I don’t think that I need to explain why this is poor casting. Melina in the original film is a well rounded character who actually contributes to the overall story, but you just know that in the remake she is just going to be turned into “just a pretty face”. The second and my reason is that the film is directed by Len Wiseman. Now his last film was Live Free or Die Hard, which is a film I hate! Oh and I do mean hate, think how most people about Bay’s Transformers films, and you will get a picture of my thoughts on that movie. Now I haven’t seen any footage for this film, so it might turn out to be something worth watching, which is the only reason it isn’t higher on the list.

6. The Raven

After watching the trailer for this one I just rolled my eyes and called it a rip off of the recent Sherlock Holmes films. Which I find unfortunate, as I believe that Edgar Allan Poe’s life could lead to a good movie. It certainly didn’t need Hollywood coming in and making a story that obviously has nothing to do with the man. But even if I don’t keep in mind what I know about Poe’s life I can’t see this being any good. Poe’s story tend to be very dark and have a tragic ending, while this look like just another ‘turn your brain off action movie where the hero walks into the sunset with the girl.’ Also for those of you who think that at least the romantic subplot might be good, keep in mind Poe married his cousin. Sort of ruins the mood the film is going for, doesn’t it?

Alright, this is the point where my list is going to take a major shift. With the films I have already list, I know there is a chance that maybe, just maybe, they might be able to pull something out of nowhere turn out to be a decent a movie. But for the rest of these, there is no hope. They are going to be bad. With that being said, let us continue

5. The Three Stooges

WHY GOD? WHY?

Now I love the Three Stooges. They are comedic geniuses and even their very worst short can make me laugh. That being said, when I first heard the movie was coming out, I didn’t get very excited. I’m really not a very big fan of the directors and all the time in development hell hasn’t helped any. Then the first trailer hit the web, and honestly I just don’t find it very funny. All it is doing is reminding me of how much funnier the actual Stooges are. But hey, at least you could argue that it’s paying tribute to the classic Stooges and maybe it will introduce a new generation to them. But then Snooki showed up and any hope I had for this movie died. Now all I see is Hollywood poisoning another thing I love just to make a quick buck.

Now to understand my next two picks, you need to know a little about me. I hate 95% of all the movies that are so called “adult” retelling of classic fairy tales. Now my reasons vary from film to film, but the main reasons are that they aren’t very “adult” and often the scripts are less mature then the Disney version. But my main problem is that they tend to change things to the point where they have next to nothing in common with the actual Brothers Grimm’s tales. My final reason is that it often feels like the makers of these films are holding back, like they want to tell a strange fairy tale, but they don’t want to lose the main stream audience. That and these types of story just don’t lend themselves very well to live action films. I find either animation or comics tend to be the best place for these type of story, due mostly because those art forms allow the creators more freedom with what they can do and with this type of story you need to go all in or else your story just well not work. Now this year there are four such coming out, two of which just barely missed this list. The rather large number of these films and the recent television shows that have popped up are in no doubt due to the fact that Alice in Wonderland, despite being a terrible movie, still made over a billion dollars. So these next two movies are all your fault. Yes you! You paid money to go see that movie, which made Hollywood think these would be a good idea. Hey don’t blame me, I didn’t go see Wonderland.

4. Mirror Mirror

Now I went back and forth on which one of the Snow White movies looks worst. Even now as I am looking over the list one last time before posting it, I’m still not sure if I have these two in the right order. Both look bad but for different reasons. I ended up putting this one slightly above the Kristen Stewart movie, because honestly this one looks like it has a good chance of going into so bad its good territory. Sure the stuff shown in the trailer is clichéd and all of the jokes have been told to death, but just look at that acting. It’s so bad and over the top I can’t help but laugh at it.

3. Snow White & the Huntsman

You know a movie is going to be bad when the first trailer tries to hide the fact that Kristen Stewart is the main star. And please, don’t try to convince me that she is in some way not the star; the film is called Snow White. Her acting is only going to look worst when we compare it to the other two leads, who are actually good actors. While the story in Mirror Mirror may look clichéd, at least it still looks like something somewhat related to original story. Plus this one also has the added problem that some of the people who worked on Alice in Wonderland are behind this. Get ready for a large amount of emotionless acting and a story that has nothing to do with the source material. NEXT!

2. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Aw, Twilight, I’m almost glad you exist because all I need to do is say “it’s Twilight” and everyone knows my reasons for putting it on the list. Part 1 was easily the worst of series and I have very little hope that the second half well be any better. Sadly, I will probably end up going to this one because, like I mentioned in my review of Part 1, part of the first film was filmed at my old high school and the few people I do still hang out with from there have made it a tradition to go see these movies.

Yeah go figure that the place I hated growing up would also be part of one the worst film series of all time. Now I can just hear you saying, “What film could possible look worst then Twilight?” Well …….

1. The Dictator

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYplvwBvGA4

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Do I even need to explain why I put this one on the list? I mean, just watch the trailer. When your trailer makes You Don’t Look with the Zohan look like a good movie in comparison you know you did something wrong. Now I know this director has his fans, but I cannot stand any of his work made after 2000. The jokes we saw in this trailer are either very racist, or have been done over a million times now. Also why is it I get the feeling that this is one of those movies where the best parts are in the trailer? But you know, maybe I’m not being fair. After all from what I hear this is inspired by a book and maybe it will lead to some good material. Who is that book by anyway?

……..

Screw this, I’m out of here. You will not be able to drag me to this movie.

As always, if you think I left something out or you disagree with my choices, please tell me in the comments. I’ll be back next week with another blog: My Top 9 Favorite Ongoing Comic Book Series.