|Posted by Brekclub85 on September 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM|
Somewhere far away, in a giant tree....
The Duke: So, I've taken care of all the necesary transformations. Now that the Duke has gathered all of you, the Duke will tell you what he expects of his slaves...
Brek: What could you possibly want us to do that you can't already do yourself?
Duke: As your generation would put it "Take out the trash." The Duke, thinking productively, realizes that creating an eternal night isn't going to work out. So instead, the Duke figures he'll make every human being an owl-a creature of the night!
Brek: I still don't get how we'd be able to help...
Duke: It's rather simple. The Duke has a list of.....certain people he'd rather see digested. And the Duke is going to make all of you do that eating!
(Creates a seperate list for each of us.)
Brek: Mine is just the current pop music chart...
Duke: Exactly! All this new age garbage, this "Autotune" utilizied by your so-called artists, it digusts the Duke! That's why I'll you Brekclub take care of them...
Les: Can I eat Michael Bay, M Night Shyalaman and Seth McFarlane?
Creepy Guy: "I wouldn't. That many bad directors is bound to give you indigestion."
Les: They already give me indigestion...what's the difference?
Creepy Guy: "Good point. Alright then. Just remember to take plenty of Pepto before and after."
pbmiranda: The difference is that at least whenever you eat regular food that gives you indigestion, you're still alive.
Creepy Guy: "I know CPR! ...Well, I don't know how well it'll work around the beak."
pbmiranda: I don't know, Creepy. How much pressure can you push with just your two dainty feathery wings?
Fusionater: you can have bay, I'll be taking out Bieber.
pbmiranda: I'll take on the cast of Jersey Shore.
Fusionater: along with stephenie meyer, the nickelodeon executives, and a boy named lucas.
pbmiranda: Hey! The Nickelodeon execs and Lucas should be in my department. After all, I've been reviewing their work for almost 3 months.
Creepy Guy: "Can I have Stephen King? And my wings are NOT dainty!"
Fusionater: Oh oh no no no, you may have been reviewing nick for a while now, so you can have that, but lucas, ohoho lucas, he's mine. Stephen king? What's wrong with him?
pbmiranda: Well, I suppose you can have Lucas. Just tell him for me "Your three movies and TV series are NOT funny!"
Creepy Guy: (to Fusionater) "His books are awful, yet they sell way better than mine."
Les: Ok, if you're taking Stephanie Meyer....I'm eating Kirsten Stewart and Robert Mother F*#¥ing Pattinson!.....oh, and Shia LeBeoff
Fusionater: Tell him for you? Ill tell him for ME!!! I have been forced to sit through his movies SIX TIMES. SIX FUUCKING TIMES. And his show...fuck that show, fuck it, kill it to death, something.
pbmiranda (to Creepy): Well, my friend. It seems that kids nowadays will read any garbage that's popular.
Fusionater: ah, ok, to victory than creepy, bring us back the scraps. Shia Labeoff isn't to bad, but what the hell do I care, I'm evil now!
Brekclub: I'm getting rid of the people behind Oogieloves....I'd probably find a way to destroy them even if I wasn't a person-eating owl now. Hoot!
pbmiranda: (to Fusionater) Geez. Alright. Don't pop a vessel, man.
Fusionater: also, anyone have plans for edwards actor(can't quite recall his name)?
Les:@Brekclub85....same outfit that did teletubbies....or Barney the Dinosaur, I can't remember which....either way, rip them to shreds first, then eat them
Les:@Fusionater. Yes, that's Robert Pattinson, and I'm already listing him as an appetiser
pbmiranda (Brekclub) Ugh! Oogieloves! What were they smoking when they decided to put that in theaters? Critics are actually calling it the next best thing since Tellitubbies and Barney? Yup, they're corrupted. At least one critic said that it made him wanted to watch Pee-wee's Playhouse afterwards since it has sugarcoated his brain.
Creepy Guy: "I can't help but wonder why we had to be transfigured into owls before we started planning this. Holding weapons is much easier with opposable thumbs, after all."
pbmiranda: Maybe we have to use our talons to claw out their eyes.
Creepy Guy: "Hmmm. Well, that works as far as disfiguring. I was thinking more along the lines of ripping our enemies' hearts out."
Les: yeah, talons are cool!....and Fezes...and Stetsons.....and Bowties(sorry, Dr Who moment LOL) @Creepy. Yeah rip their hearts out.....through their eye sockets :-)
Fusionater: wait...hahahahahhahahha! I have a plan, and it's time to put it in action,Justin Beiber,Lucas,Sarah Pailin,(Anyone know a famous priest or something that really fucked up? Sorry, don't pay much attention to religious news.)Music, film, politics, and religion, these are 4 of the most inflential things the world has to offer, and these "people" have destroyed everything, they will face consequences.
Brek: And a surprise attack from above is so satisfying.
The Duke: Thanks to a certain set of blueprints the Duke found from one of you, the Duke knows how to transform everyone else!
Creepy Guy: "Hey, I've been searching for those!"
Fusionater: @the duke, how long until we perform the single greatest act of greatness is this planets history?
pbmiranda: Hopefully real soon. We need to cleanse the world from the filth it has accumalated.
The Duke: Once those among you who are called "Dark Jak" and "Jason on the House" appear.
Les: on the other hand...if we do this, won't that take good fodder away from the critics and reviewers?
Fusionater: it's funny though, I had some fancy shmancy blueprints lieing around here that I had bee working on...hm...must have been lost along with my enslavinator tech. @les...that just might be a sacrifice we have to make.
pbmiranda: I take it you borrowed it from Phineas and Ferb, fusionater?
Fusionater: nah, I built it well I was working with darkfan21 to take over the world.
Les:@Fusionater. Does it work against Sonic Screwdrivers? I'm picking one up this weekend.....
Fusionater:The enslavinator was designed to take control of the entire human population instantateously, it worked to, what fun, some might say my methods to defeat darkfan21 were a bit extreme...but what the hell, go big or go home, anyway, I've gotten off topic, haven't I?
pbmiraanda: At least we have a Plan B if Plan A fails.
Fusionater: unfortunately, the tech has since been lost to me, and it will take months to build another as powerful as the original again on our budget.
Les: this is taking too long....I'm going to send out for some take out live mice........
Fusionater: yes, we can't carry out our plans until the Duke approves of them, and the Duke won't approve of them until the other 2 get here.
pbmiranda: So...what should we do till they get here?
Creepy Guy: "Drat! There goes my secret plan to make everyone on the planet fall in love with my books. I would have cornered the market on sales."
Creepy Guy: "DANCE! I just so happen to have the DDR mat with me!"
Les: here! *starts tossing live mice around the circle.....
Fusionater: @creepy, heh heh heh, we'l talk. Than again, once everyones an owl, will they read books?
The Duke: The Harry Potter series is popular among owls, though mostly only for Hedwig.
And until those 2 get here, the Duke demands a few of you clean his pipe organ. The Duke has a concert coming up...
Brek: (Bites one of the mice in the circle)
Les: of course they'll read books, that's why us owls are wise
Creepy Guy: "Wait. So, Harry Potter is owl porn, basically?"
pbmiranda: I'm coming up with a new addition to the site that may actually help you with getting your books more popular. Hopefully by December, it'll come to fruition.
Creepy Guy: "YAY! :D"
Fusionater: *let's loose an enslaved mr clean on the pipe organ* @creepy, well, hedwig did die, so a lot of owls were upset with rowling, and are now plotting against her.
pbmiranda: Well, guess what? It shows what a great author she is when we care about a fictional owl.
Les: Yeah, Hedwig deserved better....
Fusionater: which is why this particular group won't be attacking Rowling, right?
Creepy Guy: "Right. We'll only make her erect a Hedwig tribute instead."
Les: not me...Stephanie Meyer,on the other hand is Owlmeat....
pbmiranda: Well, have fun with that, bud!
The Duke: Indeed, the Duke even wrote a letter to her suggesting that idea.
Brek: Wait a sec, if we eat all the people the Duke has a grudge against (turns to the Duke) who are you gonna eat?
The Duke: all of those annoying snot nosed brats.....
Les: The Rugrats?
Jason on the House: Oh, damn. A giant meeting, and I missed it, thanks to a Korean drama into which I was deeply absorbed. What's this, a list? *reads* I can't eat Alexandre Desplat, Alan Menken, and Matt Stone! I'm supposed to write a blog about Alexandre Desplat. Why am I the only who can't eat whatever I want? I am an epicure who only wants to eat evil, corrupt politicians!
Duke: Only I, the Duke, can compose the heavenly music you are complimenting so much. Only Duke's musical numbers shall be praised! Your feigned elegance is simply loathing. This is a punishment for showing late by preening your feathers and watching Korean drama.
Jason on the House: But they gave so much joy to people!
Duke: Exactly. People stay up all night, listening to Twilight soundtracks or watching Disney cartoons and South Park episodes, thus disturbing the sacred night hours of the Duke.
Dark Jak: *Phew* Sorry about showing up late guys. It's hard to drive a stick shift when you don't have any hands.
Duke: You ignorant fool! Why did you not simply fly to this meeting?
Dark Jak: I'm afriad of heights.
Duke: Blah, your tardiness well not be excepted a second time. I can only hope for your sake that you completely your mission without error. If not your fate well be much worst than any of the victims of tonights plot.
*Hands Dark Jak a list*
Dark Jak: HHHMMMM. Joe Quesada, Taylor Swift, Joel Schumacher, and the makers of the Jonah Hex movie. I should be able to make that work.
Duke: And now, my slaves-go out and dine on the ones the Duke desires to see exterminated! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
(Everyone flies off.)
TO BE CONTINUED........
(Thanks so much to Les, Dark Jak, Pbmiranda, Fusionator, That Long Haired Creepy Guy, and Jason on the House for joining me in this!)