|Posted by Ratin8tor on July 6, 2012 at 5:00 PM|
Hello and welcome to In Too Deep, where this week I'm over-analysing My Little Pony.
Okay this is a piece of fan fiction, not a blog. But I had too much fun writing it not to post it. So without further ado, enjoy.
It was hard to think that the Batcave could ever be 'too' quiet. Or 'too' dark. Bats, being the mammals that they are, tend to prefer the dark and the silence.
But you don't become the number one crime fighter in Gotham by accepting things at face value.
Batman slowly crept along, batarang in hand, signalling to Robin to take the opposite direction. Whatever had invaded his sanctuary was about be in for a world of hurt.
He could see something by his main computer, however he struggled to see what. But it definitely had the ring of the Joker to it. The Dark Knight's heart temporary seized at the thought of the Joker discovering the Batcave, before steeling his nerves. Whatever it was better have answers.
He slowly approached the object standing by his computer, ready for the moment when it attacked. Robin covered his flank, ready for a surprise attack from the behind.
Batman stopped, aimed his batarang, then let it fly. In one graceful curve it managed to hit the light switch, bathing the Batcave in a strong white light.
In front of Batman sat a table with a cake on it. Around this table lay streamers and balloons. There was also a smattering of confetti and, unless he was very much mistaken, a 'pin the tail on the donkey' poster plastered over one of the screens.
“No fair,” a voice rung out. “It's my job to turn on the lights. You totally ruined the surprise.”
Batman spun, batarang already in hand, preparing to strike whatever foul monstrosity dared to defile his Batcave-
- only to come face to face with a small pink pony. There was an uncomfortable moment where Batman started to wonder if he was placed inside a machine trying to extract his memories and this was something his self-consciousness came up with to protect himself.
“I really hope this isn't caused by Scarecrow's fear toxin,” said Robin. “I'd hate to think that my greatest fear is a small pink pony.”
“You see it to, do you?” asked Batman.
“In this place? Any colour stands out. Especially bright pink. Is this some sort of new toxin? I don't remember being gassed out on patrol tonight.”
“I don't either,” said Batman uncertainly, replaying the night's events in his head. All in all it'd actually been a rather quiet night. All the supervillains were in Arkham for once, no small scale crimes were attempted. The worst they had to do was stop a jaywalker.
“Wait, do you think I'm not here?” asked the pony. “Of course I'm here. If I wasn't here then how would I be able to set up this awesome party?”
“Party?” said Batman, still trying to comprehend recent events.
“Yes, party. I was walking through Ponyville minding my own business when I suddenly found myself here and I thought 'Pinkie Pie there's only one thing to do when you accidentally barge into someone's house and that's throw them a party to say sorry' and fortunately I always keep my party cannon nearby for just such an occasion-”
“Ponyville?” said Batman. “Pinkie Pie? Party cannon?”
“Yep,” said the pony. “I'm Pinkie Pie. I'm so happy to meet you. I love meeting new people almost as much as I love throwing parties because meeting new people is a great reason to throw parties hence the more new people I meet the more parties I throw and if I meet a new person at a party that means I just have to throw an extra party-”
“Excuse me sir,” said the unmistakable tone of a British gentlemen who has seen far weirder things in his line of work and that a pink pony suddenly appearing was no reason to suddenly become unprofessional, “I'm inquiring about whether your guest will be staying for tea.”
“You see her too Alfred?” asked Batman.
“I most certainly do sir,” replied Alfred, “otherwise I would not be offering the young filly tea.”
“Do you have any idea how she got in her?”
“I'm afraid not sir, I assumed you brought her with you. You have brought back stranger things before.” He made a non-committal wave of a man that knows that not only do giant pennies exist, they are also exceedingly difficult to keep polished and would be of more use in a proper museum.
The pink pony let out a shriek of delight and ran over to the giant penny.
“Ohmygosh look at the size of that imagine how many pieces of candy you could buy with that you could buy so many and then you could spend all your time eating it although I suppose if it's just one bit it won't buy much candy but perhaps it'll buy one super duper big piece of candy-”
“Do you know why she is here?” Batman asked Alfred.
“To throw a party it seems,” replied the butler.
“And is that a dragon?” continued Pinkie Pie. “It sure doesn't look like a dragon it has no wings although I suppose perhaps it's a non-flying dragon cos you get non-flying pegasuses but then would you be able to call it a dragon even though it couldn't fly-”
“Whatever it is I want it out of here,” growled Batman, sitting down at the computer console and brushing off the various bits of confetti that had landed there. Robin was trying his best to stifle a laugh.
“But sir, wouldn't you agree that the celebrations are in this case justified?” inquired Alfred.
“What do you mean?” growled Batman.
“Well, sir, today is your birthday.” There was a gasp from the other side of the room. Batman turned to see the pony pouncing on him. How the pony made it from one end of the Batcave to the other in such a short time would forever remain a mystery to the Dark Knight.
“Ohmygosh it's your birthday. That's extra reason to celebrate. We need birthday candles stat.” The pony seemed to somehow pull candles out of somewhere, although Batman couldn't see where on the pony they were stashed.
“Yeah, Batman,” said Robin. “Let's celebrate your birthday. You never told me it was that time of the year.”
“It's not important,” said Batman. “I have other things to do.”
“Of course your birthday is important,” said Pinkie Pie. “It's not like they happen every day.”
“Yeah, she's right,” agreed Robin. “Plus it's not like there is any crime out there. You deserve a night off.”
“That's not the point,” snarled Batman. “It's just...”
“Just what?” asked Pinkie Pie.
“Nothing,” snarled Batman, turning back to face the computer screens.
“But I don't like seeing my new friends upset,” said Pinkie Pie. “If there's one thing I'm good at it's cheering people up; and cheering people up is the best thing I do.”
“I don't care,” growled Batman.
“Oh come on party pooper. Turn that frown upside down. It's time to paaarrrty.”
“Leave me alone,” growled Batman.
“Come on, it'll be fun. There's cake and candy and games and balloons and streamers and cake and I know I said cake twice but I really like cake my favourite-”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” roared Batman. The pony immediately shut up, backing away in fear. Tears started to form in her eyes.
“Bruce,” said Robin, reaching out to comfort his mentor. Batman turned a cold shoulder.
“Master Wayne,” said Alfred, likewise trying to comfort his master.
“I'm sorry,” whispered Pinkie Pie quietly. “You just looked so sad and I was just trying to cheer you up. I'm sorry for getting in the way. I'll leave now.” Batman couldn't help himself and turned to stare down the pony. However she gave a look that could melt not only butter but the pot it was being boiled in. Batman tried to stand firm, but not even his years of mental discipline prepared him against Pinkie's stare.
“Fine,” he growled. “We'll celebrate my birthday. But only for an hour.” Colour suddenly seemed to return to the pony who leapt into the air and started to leap around the Batcave. Batman growled to himself for being weak, but he failed to see the harm in it.
The party went on for many, many hours. Both Alfred and Robin couldn't remember a time when they say their friend so happy. Just for that one night he regained a little of the joy that had been so tragically taken from him. Just for that one night he could be a little boy again.
“So how did it go?” Superman asked the pink pony. The pony let out a smile before suddenly metamorphosing into a small, purple suited little man wearing a purple derby hat.
“Better than can be expected,” admitted Mister Mxyzptlk. “I didn't expect him to open up and enjoy himself so much.”
“Thank you,” said Superman.
“Well I suppose I still owed ya one from the whole Emperor Joker fiasco,” grudgingly admitted Mister Mxyzptlk.
“Where did you find an idea for that disguise anyway?” asked Superman.
“Oh, with one of my other guises,” said Mister Mxyzptlk. “I'm not just confined to this world you know.”
“Well thank you again. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy. Even if that means I had to patrol Gotham all night.”
“You're welcome. Now that that's settled, it's time for me to have some fun.”
“Whatever you say, tlkpzyxm.”
“That's Mister Tlkpzyxm to you, you... oh both-” was all he got to say before he disappeared again.
“Well it was worth it,” said Superman quietly. “For you Bruce. Happy Birthday. And many happy returns as well.”
So there you have it. Just a piece of fan fiction. If you disagree with anything, or have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment. Till next time.
Categories: In Too Deep