|
|
When the world is my plaything, my demands will be as such....
[Originally posted on http://obsessive-geek.blogspot.com/]
As a fan of superheroes, I've always imagined what I would do as either a paragon of good or a epitome of all that is evil. Today, I've decided to share with all of you my list of (non-sexual) demands if I ever found a way to build a orbital death-ray or became an overlord of darkness. Be warned, demands are extremely silly and childish. (Given my internet name, that should be a 9.5 on the "Duh" scale)
1. Unlimited supply of cake for the rest of my life.
2. The original Kamen Rider series subtitled into English.
3. All Sentai teams made by S.H. Figuarts be available for normal retail and start creating American superhero toys and release their products to American retailers. (Don't worry, I give Figuarts some new staff. Need to give the incarcerated and unemployed something to do.)
4.All Kamen Rider and Super Sentai series from now on will be aired to all.
5. Force an adaptation of Gosei Sentai Dairanger to be made.
6. Prevent remakes of Back to the Future from ever being made.
7. Strap Michael Bay down and torture him Clockwork Orange style with his own films.
8. Force Sega to make an excellent Sonic game under pain of death.
9. Make comic books required reading for all children
10. Force research into making giant monsters and giant robots.
11. Begin televised Giant Robot vs. Giant Monster fights.
12. Make Pokemon a reality.
13. All other crazed dictators will be fed to mutant wild boars. (Which I shall keep as pets)
14. Make the comic book industry actively become less sexualized and violent.
15. Destroy all Freidberg and Seltzer films.
So, what would yours be?
Categories: Top # Lists, Thoughts
The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.
Writrzblok says...
Were I a super-villain, I would demand...
1. All redheaded female celebrities must be surrendered to me (except Kathy Griffin, can't stand her). From there I shall ogle at them at my leisure. In return they will be free to do as they please, except for when I will them to come Whenever I bid them to my side, a teleportation device activated by thought will beam them to my exact location no matter where I am or where they are. Sex is optional. I may be a super-villain, but even I have my standards.
2. All racist/homophobe/bigot groups shall be taken (by force, if necessary) to live on the nearest habitable planet where they may war and hate to their ignorant heart's content. Note that I am not doing this for the benefit of mankind (as it will be under my benevolent subjugation) but because they are all great big bags of dicks.
3. Term limits will be mandatory for all government officials. If you didn't waste your time sucking the cocks of special interests groups, you'd get shit done, wouldn't you? But nope, now you've got me, deal with it, bitches.
4, Since I am the ruler of earth now and the political system is whatever I goddamn say it is, then all pundits from every political spectrum will be forced into gladiatorial arenas. The sole survivor/winner will have the honor of dying quick and painlessly by my "Instant-death-seriously-you-won't-even-know-you're-dead-it's-tha
t-good" ray.
5. I want every series of Ultraman translated into english and downloaded to my personal server. If this demand is not met, I will have Aquaman summon Cthulu, Godzilla, and the Kraken to fuck your shit up.
6. I will give the writers/directors/casts of bad comic book movies one more chance to make their movies again and do it right. Those who fail, will be destroyed by my "Oh-God-Oh-God-I-welcome-death-but-why-won't-I-die-Please-let-me-
die" ray.
7. DC Comics will be given ten trillion dollars to separate from Warner Bros. Now you Shit mustaches have no excuse not to get a Justice League Movie off the ground. Marvel did it in five. I dare you to do it in four...or be destroyed.
8. I will still run my show and it is mandatory that everyone watch it and laugh at my jokes no matter how good or bad they are. And at the end of every show there will be a standing ovation. Any Douchey McNitpicks will have ten seconds to change their minds before I grant them immortality and beam them into the heart of a cosmic event horizon.
9. All meal packages of macaroni and cheese are mine unless I deem fit to ration it amongst the populace.
10. As an addendum of demand #2. I have created a device that will cause the earth's core to explode like Krypton within two year's time unless the space program is not only reactivated but successful in finding other habitable planets. Clock's ticking, motherfuckers.
11. The trainers from the Biggest Loser will train me to be in tip-top condition. Then, my scientists will create a working Super-Soldier Formula. Afterwards, I will have them all killed and the research destroyed, save for a copy I keep for myself in a safe location that only I am aware of. After I know it is secure, I will erase my memory of the formula's creation, thinking I've always been this awesome.
12. There will be acting schools opened up all around the world with courses taught via hologram by Nic Cage, Robin Williams, William Shatner, Christopher Walken, and other notable over-actors.
13. Michael Bay will be forced to direct plays by William Shakespeare and, I swear to God, if I see one explosion he will be hung from the Golden Gate Bridge by tiny wires attached to every hair on his body. EVERY. HAIR. Yes, even those.
14. Alternative fuels will be researched THOROUGHLY. If Oil and Nuclear have a problem, then they can take it up with my secretaries of defense, Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.
15. If there is to be any oppressions or repressions of anyone for any reason, it has to be run by me first.
ThatLong-HairedCreepyGuy says...
There are several necromancers who might be willing to help you with the Deep Purple one, though their fees are pretty high. Do you have any souls of newborn children that you can spare?
Also, I'll have a McJotaKa to go, please!
SOJA*SOJA*88 says...
@TLHCG
Ah yes flying cars. What would I fuel them with... Hmmm... Does anyone know? Other than gas?
Atwosheds says...
With demands like that you don't sound like a "supervillian". Those sound more like the demands of a "Superman" bro. If you get my meaning.
ThatLong-HairedCreepyGuy says...
*hugs*
What would you do to get the flying car? search this on Youtube trust me you wouldn't go this far. :randall dante flying car
Also, I would suggest you just launch them into the nearest black hole, but they all might make collective history by being the first particles that even a black hole wouldn't take.
And one more thing, if you don't mind: Make flying cars already.
Seriously, I cannot be the only one upset by this, especially with the way gas prices are now.
SOJA*SOJA*88 says...
Oh I shall not have their blood spilled on my precious land and speaking of space programs...
MAKE ONE DAMMIT!!!
JotaKa says...
1- Deep Purple must reunite with it's original formation, even if it means bringing someone from the dead.
4- A Hamburger on McDonalds shall be named after me. The McJotaKa will have bacon, meat, cheese, hot sauce, ham, eggs, chicken wings and pickles.
BigBlackHatMan says...
I am a simple man. Just shut down the bar next to my house and I will be happy.
Les says...
Hi Jordan The Childish. Great topic and I'm loving these responses. Here's MY list of demands:
1. George Lucas MUST restore Star Wars to it's original form for Blu-Ray and then NEVER again "improve" the film again on pain of drowning in a cesspool with 90 lb weights attached to his neck.
2. Stephanie Meyer must donate every cent she ever earned from Twilight to Anne Rice, Stephen King and Dean Koontz.
3. THE FOX network must cancel the Simpsons and bring back Firefly and then force the current network executives to commit Sepuku. The President of the network must then quit and get a job working as a cashier at Wal-Mart.
4. A U.S. theatrical release of Uchu Senka Yamato(Space Battleship Yamato)2010-the live action film.
5. All police and governmental officials in Florida must resign and volunteer for the Peace Corp.
6. A device must be invented to ID Internet trolls to their homes so that the rest of us know where to send the hit men.
7. Every single United States Senator, Congressman, Presidential Cabinet Member and the President MUST forfeit their insane salaries and benefits and be payed Minimum Wage and have to buy all their own health and life insurance, pay for their airline tickets, limousine rentals, and meals-No exceptions.
8. Every last cent of both Stimulus packages must be recovered and put into schools, hospitals, and NASA to get us back into space exploration.
9. DC Comics must stop fucking around and give us the Wonder Woman film and settle the license issues and give us a Justice League film.
10. Justin Beiber must spend a year living in New York City after getting a complete surgical Change of face so nobody recognizes him and has to start earning his musician money like the rest of us do...not handed to him on a silver platter.
11. Michael Bay must become the indentured servant of Joss Whedon, Steven Spielberg and Riddley Scott, never making another film, until some of that talent soaks into him.
12. School bullies are to be hobbled by Kathy Bates on live television broadcast to the schools they go to to discourage those fuckers from doing it anymore.
...That's all I have at the moment, but I may be back with more. MWA! HA! HA! HAAAA! Peace.
Atwosheds says...
That would be a good reason to get it started back up again. lol I'm on board as long as the first to go is Rush Limbaugh.
SOJA*SOJA*88 says...
8. Let me shoot all racist groups to the moon
Oops!
Oops, you forgot something.