|Posted by NewPhoenixFilms on May 12, 2012 at 10:40 PM|
This is hard for me to even review without Long-Haired Creepy Guy to back me up. Alright, It's a porno. There, I've said it. I also watch pornos and find some of it to be similar to an erotic novel. Actually, This is close to an IN TOO DEEP blog and a MIDNIGHT WANK THEATER for me to even bother reviewing, but it's not gonna save me from myself. I HAVE to review... a porno.
Ignore the title (and if you are reading it, must I insert a gay joke inside?).
Here goes: It starts with a man in a nightmare, surrounded by three volumptuous women who have tied him to a stake and are performing a ritual. It's a sex scene, so there isn't much to even elaborate except that these are EVIL WITCHES bent on using LUST, TEMPTATION, and... what's a word for fun, yet sinful? Anyway, he discusses this with his shrink, who basically spouts crap or something, but it means that our protagonist must venture into the woods where the nightmare takes place. We see his wife, played by a SMOKING HOT redhead and eventually, they find a cabin with the three volumptuous women from the nightmare living inside.
What sane person would see the very same dream girls in the very flesh and WANT to stay there? Anyways, they tell the couple that the phones are down currently and that the available tow truck driver for their broken down car is hours away, so what else can they do but stay in a nice cabin owned by SATAN'S HOOKERS!!!
For the most part, The witches seduce both the husband and wife, due to a herbal potion spiked into their drinks, causing them to submit to their every whim. It's a bit like... Eve taking the bite out of the apple of forbidden knowledge. Wait... I compared Christian belief to a porno about three blonde big breasted bimbos that worship dark deities...
Anyways, the focus is the man, as he is the object of desire here. First is Julie K Smith, playing the lead witch, similar to a Temptress. She erodes the will of the husband(or what's left of it), until he submits, which gives the opportunities to the other witches to have their way with him. Second is Glori Anne Gilbert as the... What is the damn word? It means, Fun, yet Sinful. She just gives away the inhibitions of the husband later on and they have a bit of fun. Last is Stormy Daniels, and man, lemme go off topic by saying she reminds me of a crush I had in High School. Everything down to her body from facial structure is similar. Anyways, Stormy is the Lust witch, which is power to these ladies. Stormy seems to revel in her success in finishing off the enchantment that the witches had placed on him in one sex scene where her face is almost victorious, and a bit conniving. In between, though, a good witch shows up to warn him of the danger, and she does have sex. Of course, she must. She warns that these witches mean to raise a deity by the name of La KaKanya who is to enslave the men into doing their will. Seems like a woman's dream, BUT a sacrifice is needed: The Wife.
In the end, the deity is almost ressurected, the wife is saved, the witches dissapear and all is well.
What am I supposed to do? Yesterday's event with Star Wars(GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY) made me a little jaded and I'm sick. I am not in the mood to do anything real. It's porn! It's feel good porn!
All right. So it's made for people to jack off too, but on some occasions, if you're up for the task, Analyze the entire movie and elaborate if this would make a good erotic novel for women. Other than that, the sex is great, save for the shrink and his assistant(shudder. Old men gyrating) and you almost like the witches as they have a charm to their acting, as if they were, in fact, temptresses. You'd want to be double-hexed, no TRIPLE-hexed by these girls anytime.
Bubble, Bubble, I am in trouble.
Whatever, rant about how Star Wars sucks.