Manic Expression

GC: Righty ho, I'm sure you've all read Part 1 of Les and I's collaboration yesterday concerning the Bond film's one-liners, where we discussed his choices,( http://manicexpression.webs.com/apps/blog/show/19498344-my-top-12-james-bond-one-liners-by-les-and-gurning-chimp-) so today to help discuss my Top 12 Bond one liners, we welcome ME's favourite musician, Les to Gurning Chimp's Stuff And Junk! Welcome Les!

LES: Hi all! It’s great to be here, my friend.

GC: It's great to have you here!

So let us start at the beginning with a line from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service:

#12: Bond is undercover at Piz Gloria, Blofeld's secret base in The Alps, surrounded by beautiful, yet deadly women, with only his wits and a bad dubbing job to help him. At dinner, one lady writes her room number on his exposed thigh with her lipstick, however the stoic shock on Bond's face doesn't go unnoticed and scary matron Irma Bunt (Ilse Steppat) asks: Is something wrong Sir Hilary? To which Bond replies.

'Just a slight stiffness coming on'

Yes it's very suggestive for the 60's but I think it's a good 'un. With a reputation like Bond's I would be surprised if he didn't make a vulgar pun!

LES: AH the advantages of wearing a ruffle shirt and a kilt LOL! Yes, this is a great line alright. Sir Hillary Bray, we salute you!

GC: But it's not just Bond that can be vulgar!

#11: At the very beginning of Tomorrow Never Dies, Bond is currently at Oxford University 'boning up' (WAHEY!) on his Dutch when he gets the call from Moneypenny (Samantha Bond) saying that England needs him once again, after being told to do the impossible and get dressed and from Oxford to Whitehall, Central London in half an hour, Moneypenny finishes with the clincher.

'You always were a cunning linguist James'

Although the Dutch professor was relatively quiet, Moneypenny really knows James too well! This is sadly the last we'll see of 90's Moneypenny though as it soon descended back into the 60's come TWINE (even with Monica Lewinsky references!) The fact that M is standing right behind her makes it all the more hilarious!

LES: OH YES! Miss Moneypenny can give just as good as she takes when it comes to clever lines that are sexual without actually saying what they're saying LOL! Ahhhh the sexual innuendo was perfected between Bond and Moneypenny.

GC: #10 Now we venture into Live And Let Die, Bond has been captured by Harlem drug lord Mr. Big (Yaphet Kotto) and is waiting to be seen by him, being ever the gentleman Bond introduces himself to Mr. Big when he appears, with his signature 'The name's Bond, James Bond' but Mr. Big isn't interested, instead cutting him off with.

'Names is for tombstones, baby.'

Not only does he completely disarm Bond, he outright threatens the man too! This short exchange is often considered the best introduction sequence for a reason. The villain just does not care about the meddlesome Bond! Very much a sharp introduction to the 70's for 007.

LES: Yep...you gotta love the '70s influence of ghetto-speak writing inspiring such greatness as Shaft, Superfly and this great moment(one of many) in James Bond. Mr. Big's next line is just as great, "I want you to take this honky out and waste him!" Nice guy, right? He leaves quite an impression, if nothing else LOL!

GC: Oh definitely! You can really tell he's double the villain than a lot of the earlier villains (;) ) with his ruthless-ness.

And now we go on to Bank Holiday favourite The Spy Who Loved Me

#9 Bond and Agent XXX (Barbara Bach) have just destroyed Atlantis, the base of Karl Stromberg and are floating in the sea in an escape pod. Agent XXX first threatens to kill Bond but instead is swayed by Bond's magic cock and rocks the casbah with him instead. The pod is then found by a British navy warship, where M, KGB General Gogol and Minister of Defence Frederick Grey are all waiting to congratulate their top agents on working together so well. Little did they expect to see them working together that well! M asks Bond what he's doing, to which Bond replies.

'Just keeping the British end up sir!'

Now this is a good pun to end the best Moore film on, it's smutty, yet quite sophisticated at the same time, very much the Moore legacy on Bond. It's not quite as good as Q's line at the end of Moonraker, but it's still pretty badarse!

LES: HEE! HEE! Yep, that is one of the best comebacks in the history of the Roger Moore era Bond films and still gets an admiring laugh out of me when I see it.

GC: Only James Bond would dare say that to his bosses!

#8 I know Quantum of Solace is not regarded as a humorous film, but the witty one-liners are there, and this is my favourite.

After Bond has a capture notice pinned to him he travels to Bolivia, where Agent Fields is waiting to take him into custody, however they have to stay a night to wait for Bond's plane home, necessitating a hotel. Fields at first takes him to a grotty motel, stipulating that their cover story is that they're teachers on sabbatical. Bond is not pleased, indicating that he'd rather stay in a morgue, and instead drags Fields along to the swankiest hotel in La Paz.'But what about the cover story?' I hear you ask. Well Bond sticks to it.

'We're teachers on sabbatical...and we've just won the lottery'

Said with a sly smirk at Fields. This is the perfect way to get back at her for daring to suggest that Bond stay in a grimy, grotty little back alley place, and certainly, in my opinion, one of the more underrated one-liners.

LES: Yeah, and I think Daniel Craig is the only Bond who could've pulled off that great one-liner too. Great pick, my friend. Although, I also love it when, right after Fields shows up, Remy Mathis remarks, "I wonder if she has handcuffs?" to which Bond replies "I certainly hope so" LOL!

GC: I just hope that film gains a greater appreciation as time goes on.

#7 We now go into the darker side of the 80's with Licence To Kill, and because it's the 80's, we have to have an annoying yuppie character. In the climax of the film, where Bond has made his move and is now blowing up Sanchez's (Robert Davi) drug labs and his tankers filled with cocaine dissolved in the petrol, Truman-Lodge (Anthony Starke) is just constantly whinging about how this is losing them money. After an oil tank, released by Bond crashes into another truck, Truman-Lodge loses it and starts berating Sanchez, who gives the logical assessment

'Then I guess it's time to start cutting overhead.' Before gunning him down with an Uzi.

Now in this day and age of bankers still getting massive bonuses despite their role in nearly bringing down Western Civilisation, I find this scene to be very satisfying. Particularly as Truman-Lodge is a little grub.

LES: YEP! I clapped when the bean-counting weasel had his comeuppance too, and Sanchez was totally in character to just "cut his losses" with an UZI LOL!

GC: #6 Now fastforwarding to the 90's we look at GoldenEye. Bond has just been captured in Alec Trevelyan's (Sean Bean) base in Cuba and is currently ascertaining the masterplan of the former MI6 agent. While Bond calls Trevelyan insane and just flat out insults him, Trevelyan stays calm and quips

I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed... or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect.'

Quite possibly the zingiest burn that a villain has ever directed at 007 in the history of the films! It perfectly sums up the character, and lets the audience know that the villains are much more ruthless and dangerous since the Iron Curtain fell.

LES: Sean Bean really did add a lot more "dangerous" to the role of Trevelyan and this line punctuates it with an exclamation point. It's the intimate way he knows 007 that makes it all the more effective. You really get the impression that he knows all of Bond's secrets and is going to exploit them. It gives him the upper hand.

GC: The very reason he's considered to be the last great villain.

And from one great villain to another, our next line comes from A View To A Kill.

Max Zorin (Christopher Walken) has just announced his plan to cripple Silicon Valley to his investors aboard his airship, but one of them expresses doubts and is asked to leave. He follows Grace Jones' May Day (bad move!) out to a corridor, May Day then opens a trap door and causes the stairs to turn into a ramp, causing the dissenter to fall out the blimp into the San Francisco Bay below. Once May Day comes back. Zorin then asks.

'So, does anyone else want to drop out?'

Such a brilliant line made even better by Walken's delivery!

LES: Yeah.....but I think Goldfinger did it first, and better with "Please excuse me while I take care of Mr. Solo," followed by "He has a pressing engagement" right before Oddjob shoots him and has him and the car he's in crushed into a cube.....but for AVTAK it is one of the better lines.

GC: You can't beat Christopher Walken though. 

We're going right back for Number #4! Dr. No!

Professor Dent (Anthony Dawson) has just tried to assassinate Bond, shooting a carefully arranged pillow formation in his bed. But Bond was ready instead playing solitaire by the door. This allows Bond to overpower Dent and interrogate him at gunpoint. However Dent soon lunges for the gun, only to find he's fired all the bullets. To which Bond quips

'That's a Smith and Wesson, and you've had your six'

Before shooting Dent dead. This was very much the indicator on how Bond is and it caused moral outrage in 1962! But the coldness of the situation really speaks about Bond's character, and provides the basis of many brilliant after death quips to come!

LES: Yes, Connery really did set the mold for that in Dr. No. When the car that's chasing him crashes down a huge cliff and a workman asks him "What happened?" Bond quips, "I think they were on their way to a funeral." LOL!

GC: Indeed, Connery was near his quippy best in Goldfinger though.

After being knocked out in a car chase by Oddjob (Harold Sakata) Bond is taken aboard Goldfinger's (Gert Frobe) private jet to Kentucky. When he regains consciousness he is met by Honor Blackman introducing herself as Pussy Galore. Bond replies:

'I must be dreaming!'

Whether this was a dig at the name 'Pussy Galore' or just simply Bond commenting on Pussy's attractiveness is still a source of debate, but either way it's pretty funny.

LES: YEP! You gotta love Ian Fleming's predilection for female names that contain sexual connotations, and Bond's reaction is priceless.

GC: #2 And now we come to Moonraker, which one will it be?

It's a Drax (Michael Lonsdale) line of course, it just had to be!

Bond has just stumbled upon Drax's secret Amazonian lair and is instantly pushed into a lake containing a giant python. After dispatching it Drax appears and says:

'Mr. Bond, you persist in defying my efforts to provide an amusing death for you'

He actually admits wanting to kill Bond in exotic ways because it would be funny! So far he is the only villain to do so and that's what makes him so badarse! The fact he has a very black sense of humour!

LES: Yep, Drax probably could be considered the great diva of all the Bond villains, and lines like this are why. His delivery is also so calm, sophisticated and leisurely that you can't help but smile when he says them.

GC: So finally we come to my #1! What has beaten the mighty Drax?

Why Bond himself of course, in The Man With The Golden Gun.

Having tracked down Scaramanga (Christopher Lee) to his island hideaway, Bond is invited to have lunch with the feared assassin. Scaramanga then reveals that he's always admired Bond and essentially gets all fanboy on him, even going so far as saying that they are equals. Bond puts up with this until Scaramanga is finished, then he offers this.

'There's a very useful four letter word. And you're full of it'

Scaramanga's reaction is priceless! He's just essentially poured his heart out to his idol and Bond responds by telling him that he's full of shit! The fact that ever polite Moore says it just adds shock laughter to the mix too!

LES: YEP! you nailed it, my friend. It's such a great line that Timothy Dalton's Bond uses a variation of it in The Living Daylights, "We've a saying too...and you're full of it." The classics never die LOL!

GC: Indeed they don't.

So once again Les, I'd like to thank you for doing this collaboration with me, you have been an absolute pleasure to work with.

LES: The pleasure is all mine, my friend. I love working with bloggers who really know their subjects well. I look forward to our next collaboration. Peace.

GC: As do I, See you around!

So guys, did I miss any of your favourites? I would love to hear about them in the comments!