|Posted by KevinG on July 25, 2012 at 1:45 PM|
Hey everyone, Patricia here. Kevin is a bit busy doing his review on Rocko's Modern Life, but until then, he said that I can take his slot. It's time for another video game review courtesy of Old School Lane. With the huge popularity of GUTS among millions of athletic kids and non-athletic kids, Nintendo decided to release a video game of it on November 1994 to satisfy the kids who wanted to be on the show. That game was Nickelodeon GUTS for the Super Nintendo.
The first thing I saw was the intro. My God, does it suck. It looks like something I can do with Microsoft PowerPoint. The main theme plays while black and white pictures of the show begin to float around. That's lazy! Why don't you show the gameplay? We don't want to see pictures of the show if that's not how it's going to look like in the game. That's false advertising. Well, at least the theme sounds okay 16 bit, so no complains here.
The next thing is choosing the athlete of my choice. It's really a shame that I couldn't customize my own player and choose the stats that would help me to my advantage. However, you don't even to get to see their stats: you see what's their favorite sport. Okay, I know where they were going with this: in the show during "Spill Your Guts", they would introduce the player, their nickname, their height, weight, and say their favorite sports. But it would be nice to know how good their accuracy is in shooting a ball, how fast they run, their endurance and stamina, and so on. But whatever, this is the video games in the 90's. What you see is what you get.
The first game I played was basketball. When Moira tells them "On your mark, get set, *whistle", the audio is awful. I thought there was something wrong with my computer speakers or the ROM that I downloaded to play the game, but nope. This is how the game sounds and it sucks! But that's nothing compared to the biggest problem with this game: the controls. Oh my God! They suck even WORST than Double Dare. Every time I try to shoot a basket, I failed to do so and getting up on the platform to shoot again is almost impossible. I keep stumbling trying to get up to shoot. It was practically unplayable and I chose the kid whose favorite sport was basketball. Are you serious? I'm having problems shooting a basketball when my kid's favorite sport is basketball? That's like playing NBA Jam or the NBA Street series and choosing Michael Jordan or Shaquille O'Neal and they suck. It wasn't until much later that I found out that you have to hit down to jump! Down to jump? Are you serious? When have you ever heard of hitting down to jump in a video game?
Oh, but trust me. That is nothing compared to the frustration that is the obstacle course. In this game, you have 7 minutes to complete the obstacle or else time runs out. "No problem, I thought." Big problem! This is where I threw my controller on the floor screaming with anger! Running, jumping, climbing, and crawling work fine, but there are some jumps that are completely impossible to do. There's also a rope swing that you have to jump on a platform. I missed every single time. It wasn't until 3 minutes into the obstacle that I found out that you can actually swing the rope to jump. The way the kid jumps is ridiculous. He can do a somersault in the air while jumping like a cartoon or something. The way he climbs the poles without using his legs is hysterical. Also, no matter how much stamina you waste, he can still go at the same speed as if he had full on stamina. These are some really strong kids! They can kick my ass any day.
Next is football, which is like basketball. Same problems, same controls, same frustrations. Next.
Next is another obstacle course. Same problems, same controls, same frustrations. Next.
Finally, after playing this game 3 times and losing, the 4th time, I finally got to the Aggro Crag! Are you serious? It's just like the other obstacles except a few minor changes?! I have to jump on platforms, go through a mini pool, and climb on more poles? That's not the Aggro Crag! That's just another platform game with different obstacles and a coat of paint. Sure you have to activate the 6 light targets, but still, it's just like another obstacle. AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!
I did win the "radical" rock, but I didn't feel at all satisfied on winning it.
Overall, don't play this game! It's frustrating, it's too hard for a kid to pick up and enjoy, and it's pretty much the same levels over and over. I would not recommend this game at all!
That's all for now. Hope to see you around Old School Lane soon. Take care.