|Posted by NewPhoenixFilms on July 14, 2012 at 2:00 PM|
Hey guys, I'm not dead yet. I feel fine. I think I can go for a walk now. I feel happy! I feel-THUNK!
Anyways, movies have a magnetic appeal to a lot of us. It either catches our hearts, speaks out for the child in us or takes us on an adventure we've never been on before. That is until people grow up and later films just suck to their opinion, not that their opinion is worth two quarts of piss which is exactly what opinions are worth nowadays. Fans go from loving and defending to desecrating and destroying. Films do NOT get any sympathy from the devil himself. So, let's see what franchises I hate cause it's fanbase just downright sucks.
It's pretty much obvious. The Transformers were given a makeover to make them actually transform pretty badass, but the G1 fanbase hated it. Are they out of their fucking minds? Look at the blocky cartoon versions. Now back to the Bayformers. How can a bunch of metal blocks transform without scraping together? However, this is a minor gripe. We all know the reason why we hate the BAYFORMERS, which they have been christened as. Let's move on.
4. Batman (Burton/Schumacher).
Ok, Everyone hated Batman Forever and Batman and Robin, but they also hated Michael Keaton as Batman well before the movie was made. Also, the excuse that in Batman Returns that Batman is a murderer is beyond fucking stupid(Excuse me). I mean, he blew up a building in the first movie, killing probably 100's of the Joker's workers, killed one man by throwing him down the bell tower at the end, and was the one who shot a tie cable round the Joker's leg. He's done this before! It's because of the crying about Batman Returns that Schumacher ruined the Caped Crusader for two films. Anyways, let's move on.
Let's get down to brass tacks. I've only seen two films: Twilight and Breaking Dawn part 1. The first was just pretentious shit to me and was preparation for my date with my ex-girlfriend, may she burn in hell for taking me to see it. The fourth movie, oh my god... It broke me. It mentally broke me. I was watching my ex-girlfriend lust after two hot guy on a big screen while I suffered the agony my bipolarism decided to inflict upon me. I'm glad I left her cause this fucking torture of this shit is enough. What's worse is: There's a fanbase... of grown mothers that like this shit!!! One was recently killed and there was a rumor that a Twi-Hard set someone on fire cause that person hated Twilight! IT'S A MADHOUSE! A MADHOUSE!!!
2. Star Wars.
Ok, for good reasons I should hate it. One: It's supposed to be a kids film, right? Why is there Government talk in the fucking saga? Two: Mido-Chlorians? You mean I can't be a Jedi cause I'm not infected with the kooky bacteria?? and 3, directly responsible for 1 and 2: George Lucas. I know that my previous one did in fact defend him but valid reason have changed my mind. He's too obsessed with perfection. His work is his own, not anyone elses that could or have made the film better. He refuses to release the old original releases when he re-releases a newer copy, with shittier cgi. This is mostly why I can't bear to look at it. Another is the delusion of the fanbase. You asked for more. You clamored for more. You even hated Lucas' other films like WILLOW to warrent him the chance to direct his prequels. Now you turn around and tear him alive. Way to fucking go.
Number 1 is: Indiana Jones.
It's a soft spot in my heart to mention Indiana Jones. Adventure, Action, Danger, Peril, and a lust for life all put in one trilogy- what? THEY MADE A FOURTH ONE? FUCK YEAH! I BET IT WAS AWESOME! *Le comments about Indy 4* Aw, fuck this. Yes, the infamous Indy 4. I can barely watch a clip or the whole movie cause fans mention how Indy 4 "Raped" The franchise. Really? You're gonna twist the words of Trey Parker and Matt Stone around to delude yourself further? Go fuck yourself with a rusty hook(Apologies). Seriously, this is an age where we can't enjoy anything. So what if there was CGI, it was minimal. So what if there was Aliens? You can't be serious about the religious shit you are babbling on about. So what if Indy is 65? He can put a boot in your ass anyday. Just give me one more film to end on like Last Crusade. Hear me out, when Temple of Doom came out, people did not like it either. Spielberg decided to make Last Cruasde as both the Farewell to the franchise and the Apology for Temple of Doom. Fan reaction: YAY! If an Indy 5 came out just like Last Crusade, then all will be forgiven, provided Lucas keeps his enlarged neck off of Spielberg's baby.
That's my list, I'm gonna scream into a pillow now.