|Posted by Blair on July 2, 2012 at 12:20 AM|
Okayeth. The fanfiction was done mu Mister Unsmiley, and it's three-thousand, four hundred, and thirty seven words of awkwardness. Let's light this candle. Don't ask why all my posts are pony-related... Just do not.
Pink. No, I am more of a Red man, myself.
Fluttershy nodded in time with each of Pinkie's comments, keeping up the appearance of paying attention while her mind drifted. The bubbly socialite danced across the room as she asked her reclusive friend's opinion on her various outfits.
"Ooh, what about this one, Fluttershy?"
Her mind refocused as she took in Pinkie's outfit. Tight-fitting black jeans, an even tighter pink t-shirt, and a dark blue denim jacket completed her friend's ensemble. Pinkie Pie was undeniably a very girlish young woman, with an undeniably voluptuous figure. To say it flattered her figure would be a powerful understatement. I thought this was a fanfiction, not an essay by Gok-f_cking-wan.
"I dunno Pinkie, I'm not sure it really fits you." Way to play devil's advocate, Fluttershy. "It looks more like something Rarity would wear."
Pinkie Pie cocked her head to the side in confusion. "How do you figure?"
Fluttershy hesitated for a brief moment. "Well, don't you think it's a bit too…sexy?" What? What does that even mean?
She could have sworn she saw Pinkie's hair deflate a little.
"But…I'm sexy!" She absently pushed her now limp hair out of her face. "Right?" Judging that there are at least 1000 sexually explicit pictures of you on the internet, pinkie pie, I would go for a yes.
Wrong thing to say, Fluttershy. Salvage it! "I-I didn't mean you weren't sexy, Pinkie Pie, I just thought you might be sending the wrong message is all."
A snort. "And Rarity wouldn't?" Ok, you lost me. Why don't we just skip to the sex scene, and then skip the sex scene?
Fluttershy spared her a retort, instead smiling kindly at her upset friend. "Well, last I checked, you've been celibate for a couple of months now." She noted how Pinkie's shoulders drooped. "And unlike you, Rarity has a rather healthy sex life."
Pinkie Pie's eyes widened. "How would you know that, 'Shy?" I am gonna guess she either watches them, or she regularily screws her over.
Fluttershy suppressed the urge to grin. Who do you think's been putting that smile on her face for the past couple months? "We talk." Knew it.
Pinkie Pie nodded slowly, accepting Fluttershy's answer and appraising her with a mildly skeptical glance. "Okey dokey lokey, so this outfit isn't working for me?"
A shake of her head.
"And the last five didn't either?
They did. Another shake. I don't get what is goin' on. Apparently, fluttershy, is lying about her being sexy, or something. Why? Why fluttershy? Why this shipping? Why this show? Why? WHY?
Fluttershy felt a pang of excitement stir in her stomach. "You should probably change into something else." Again. "Don't you think?"
Pinkie's hair returned to its usual fluff, and she playfully blew a few strands out of her face. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She moved her hands to her waist, thumbing her fingers around her jeans, and pouted at how they dug into her skin. "Hey, these pants are pretty tight, can you help me out?"
The long-haired beauty strode over too her friend all-too readily, a tiny smirk on her face as she approached her from behind. Oh Celestia, yes. "Of course, just tell me if you get uncomfortable." For everything pure and good, keep quiet!
Normally, Fluttershy would never encourage this kind of…interaction with her friends, but today had been fairly grating on her nerves to say the least; a visit from Big Macintosh and Winona about the latter's health—with the former only wearing a wife beater and worn jeans—had left her rather flustered. Add to that that Rarity had decided to invite Cheerilee of all people to join them in their trip to the spa, and Fluttershy's nerves were frayed at best. Oh for all that is fluffy, homicidal and non-rewashable, what the hell does this have to do with anything? I don't know what that means, author. I know cherilee, but I don't know what she is to fluttershy. All I get from it is that she may be bi. Maybe. Explain it a little better?
That being so, she could only help Pinkie Pie out of her clothes so many times before she snapped.
Excitement rushed through Fluttershy's veins, her arousal making its presence known once again. She lowered herself to her knees, for "a better grip." "Are you ready, Pinkie Pie?"
The curly haired beauty nodded her head cutely. "Mmhmm!"
Fluttershy dug her fingers into the loops of her friend's jeans, her face hovering inches away from Pinkie's ass as she tugged down on the stubborn clothing.
I knew Pinkie's…hot and all, but I wasn't expecting her butt to actually be this warm. It's like a radiator.
... Like a radiator? What kind of... what? "And her breasts were like... Pillow cases... and her face reminded me of... RUNNING TAP WATER!"
Fluttershy's gaze turned sultry as she beheld her friend's ample bottom. She noticed a little too late that she was breathing hard enough that Pinkie would be able to feel her breath on her skin.
"You know, Fluttershy, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to take advantage of me." ... This story just feels wrong on so many levels. We get that fluttershy wants to get into her pants, but everything else feels so needlessly shoved in. I bet even Positive Les would blow a fricking fuse at it. We are a third in, too. I know what he/she/it is trying to do. Be all detailed, and put you in the character's mind. Feels less like fluttershy's mind, and more like Charles Manson's mind. Cryptic, and Disturbing.
There's a fine line between subtle flirting and outright seduction, and I've clearly crossed it. Fluttershy grinned as she threw caution to the wind and hugged Pinkie's lower half to herself. "Let's say I was, Pinkie. What would you say then?" She idly traced the trio of balloons on her side as Pinkie seemed to lean into her. Probably "POLICE!".
"Well…" Fluttershy looked up as Pinkie Pie slinked away, her normally poofy hair turning itself into sophisticated curls not unlike Rarity's own. "I would tell you that you need to try harder, because this Pinkie isn't easy as Pie!" She leant against her dresser, one leg crossed over the other as she rifled through her drawer. ... "This pinkie isn't as..." What? And her hair can apparently change shape at will...? Why like rarity's?
With a soft grin, Fluttershy rolled her eyes. Corny but cute. "Okay then, Pinkie, how should I go about seducing you?" She tugged on her sweater, revealing her more than ample breasts, unhindered by a bra.
Pinkie cocked her head to the side. No bra? Looks like 'Shy was planning on ending my dry streak herself. Only one thing to do, then.
Pinkie sashayed over to her friend, holding in her hand a sizable pink strap-on with balloons painted on. "For one, you can sit on my bed and keep looking cute." She let out a growl, eyes raking over Fluttershy's half-naked form as the long-legged girl obliged. ...Keep in mind, we haven't gotten to the creepiest part yet. Now, I am unsure of the age limit here, so for safety, I am just gonna censor the bad words like some executive. And afterwards, someone can tell me whether it is allowed or not. Aight? Aight.
Fluttershy heartbeat raced as she nervously glanced at the phallus clenched in her partner's hand. I had no idea Pinkie could make herself seem so…attractive. Warmth spread through her body as she looked upon the approaching temptress who intended to have her way with her.
Pinkie straddled Fluttershy's waist, one hand caressing her friend's chest while the other secured the strap-on around her own waist. Lust seeping into her voice, she purred, "Here comes Dicky!"
What. EXACTLY. WHAT? What IS this? Here comes... What? Not even PINKIE PIE is that... Oh, let's just go onward.
Fluttershy blinked as the arousal in her stomach started to die. "What?" It only made sense, seeing as how the girl hadn't indulged herself physically in close to a year—and apparently not due to a lack of trying, either.
Pinkie Pie frowned as she scratched her head. "No, I mean—just—" She growled as she pounded her head in frustration. She could practically feel the embarrassment Fluttershy felt on her behalf rolling off of her in waves.
Her hair started to deflate.
Fluttershy sighed as she got up to address her friend. I hope the others are having a better night so far.
"Rainbow Dash, please! I appreciate your enthusiasm, but that's six already!" Rarity moaned as her rainbow-haired friend assaulted her from behind.
"And? Applejack gave Twilight four already, I have to keep my record secure."
"But it's a dildo! You can't even feel anything!"
This gave Rainbow Dash pause. "You know, you're right!"
Rarity sighed in relief. "Good, because I was starting to get really sore, and—"
Rainbow Dash yelled over to her other two friends who were likewise engaged. "Hey, Twilight! Magic me up a penis!" That's something you don't here everyday. then again... this whole fanfiction is something not even 4chan members hear every day.
Twilight lifted her head from between Applejack's thighs, flicked her wrists in Rainbow's direction as a spark of magic left from her hands, and turned back to burying her face into her friend's legs. "Done." On second thought... let's play it safe.
You were amazing, but that's not the point! Rarity inwardly fumed. "And where did you put my underwear? I need to put it on so we can get going, we're already dreadfully late for our reservation!" Problem- you are a horse. Horsies don't wear panties. I know they sometimes wear clothes, but why...? Ok, nevermind. Let's just continue.
Rainbow Dash looked at the clothing hanging out of her pockets. "Oh, that? That's collateral."
Rarity cocked her eyebrow. "Collateral? For what?"
Dash winked at her. "For six more orgasms, duh."
Rarity felt faint.
"And they just treat me like a kid!" Pinkie wailed, as Fluttershy held her head in her lap. "I mean, just because I joke around a lot and have fun and sing and dance all the time doesn't mean I'm not grown up! I'm a woman too, I have needs!"
Fluttershy felt her heart grow a little heavier as she beheld the sobbing girl in front of her. "There there, Pinkie, I know how you feel. People tend to think I don't want romance either, on account of how shy I am." Nothing says shy like screwing your best friend. Literally.
Pinkie Pie sniffed as she listened to your friend. "I guess you're right, but doesn't it hurt your feelings when people don't want to…to be with you? I mean, I'd kill just for someone to make a pass at me, or grab my butt so I can punch them in the face or something! I just want to feel…wanted." ...Attempting to be sincere? Failing epically.
Fluttershy nodded in understanding. "I get it, Pinkie. People tend not to take girls like us seriously because they assume we're just 'not the type' to be up for those kinds of things. I haven't had sex in—" a couple of days "—a while, but that doesn't mean that I let it bog me down." She rested her hand on Pinkie's hip, softly, while the other caressed her sullen friend's face. "You know what I think, Pinkie?"
A hesitant response. "What?"
Fluttershy leaned in close to whisper conspiratorially in her ear. "I think that you have a lovely body, and that anybody would give their right arm to be where I am right now, with a half-naked pink-haired beauty in their lap."
Pinkie Pie sat up, running a hand through her hair in bewilderment. "…really?" Neatly over. Let us take a moment of silence for those who did not survive this reading.
Fluttershy nodded. "I mean, just look at you! You have gorgeous hair, wonderful skin, and you keep in shape despite all those treats you eat. Sure, you're not as fit as Rainbow Dash or as soft and seductive as Rarity," She had to make sure to not embarrass herself by drooling, "but you're you, and that's what makes you so sexy." Wow. you not only fail sincerity and try going for a tender moment, you also pull out the stupidest card ever. The "You are special" card.
Pinkie Pie's eyes widened, heats reddened as she fidgeted awkwardly. "You really think that, Fluttershy?"
Pinkie's hair slowly returned to its previously sensuous curls, her grin returning as well. "What else do you like about me?" She played with Fluttershy's hair as she slowly lowered herself onto her back, legs finding their way around her friend's waist.
Fluttershy grinned, deciding to indulge her some more. "Well, out of all of us, you've got the most curves, and a really nice butt." She firmly grasped her friend on the ass for emphasis.
Pinkie Pie giggled as Fluttershy tugged her jacket and shirt off while simultaneously removing her own skirt. The now nude pink-haired women stared appreciatively at each other, Pinkie's smile impossibly wide as Fluttershy steered their amorous encounter.
"Thank you." Pinkie's comment gave Fluttershy pause, so she elaborated. "It's just…no one ever really takes me seriously, and, I don't know, it's just been so long since someone told me I was pretty." She smiled gratefully to Fluttershy as her excited hands patiently roamed her sides. "And just so you know," she gave a 'come hither' look to her friend and looked around, pretending to search for eavesdroppers, "I think you're one of the most gorgeous girls around, Fluttershy. You've got amazing legs and I've always wanted your hair and you're always so natural and elegant and—and…"
Fluttershy blushed uncontrollably at the flood of compliments, but patiently waited for the pregnant silence to be broken. Pregnant silence? " Congradulations it's a wonderful baby- ...."
Pinkie Pie sighed, shifting onto her stomach as she pointed her ass to the air, looking back pleadingly to her friend. "…and I really, really love you, as a friend."
"But right now, I need you to fuck me like you hate me."
The long-haired beauty's eyes widened once more, before half-closing in a sultry gaze.
That, I can do.
"Honestly, what's taking them so long? We were supposed to be at the restaurant half an hour ago!" Rarity paced, in a somewhat bowlegged manner, as they waited for their two absent friends to arrive.
"Just call 'em, Rarity. They probably just got caught up in Pinkie's antics or somethin'." Applejack drawled as she took another kiss from Twilight. "Well Ah'll be damned, Ah do taste like apples!" ...Why is ..?. How is it possible she tastes like apples...?
Rarity rolled her eyes as she fished out her phone. "I'm surrounded by idiots. Gorgeous, nymphomaniac idiots." She dialed Pinkie Pie's number, tapping her foot as she waited for her to pick up.
"Ah, don't stop, just let me answer this for a minute!" Pinkie's voice screeched over the phone, an octave higher than usual.
Rarity's eyes widened as she realized what she was hearing. Is Pinkie Pie…busy? "Hello? Pinkie Pie, are you there?"
"Rarity, hey what's up? Listen, can you call back later? I kinda have a tongue in me-FUCK!"
Rarity held the phone away from her ear as she rubbed it to get the ringing sensation out. "Listen, I just called to tell you that we're really late for our reservation at the restaurant, and I was wondering if—"
"Oh shoot, I'm so sorry, Rarity! Fluttershy and I just got really caught up, and—"
Rarity froze as she processed that last statement. Well, she's certainly her own woman, but Fluttershy? ,,,Tou know, I never read something this bizarre since my friend lent me the necronomicon.
"Rarity, listen, we'll be over as soon as we can, but, haha, WOW! When you get her going, she's not stopping anytime soon! And this must be really awkward for you to hear and all—" TRY READING IT.
Fluttershy's voice piped up in the background. "You talk on the phone, I make you moan!"
Rarity facepalmed as she hung up and strutted towards the door.
Rainbow Dash turned to her as she watched her sore-legged friend huff and puff her way to the car. "Well, are they coming?"
Rarity turned on her heels and growled, "Not. Yet."
Well that was... a disaster. It's one of those stories where the author thinks we know what he is thinking. ot she. Whatever. The point is- my corneas hurt. Mother of pearl... I hope you enjoyed this review. Please don't sue me for any damages. Good night.